This was the last message/update I had sent out to some friends and family before I created this blog. I wrote it shortly after the Summer Olympics of 16’ and with the Winter Olympics heating up, I thought it was relevant to share (since it’s partly about my “experience” at the summer olympics). I do plan to post a new Life/Health Update in a few weeks. Hopefully this will do until then!
FYI: The following message is not indicative of my current problems. I have come along way in the last year and a half. I have a much better set of problems now. Life has gotten considerably easier, my brain has made tremendous progress, and I am much more in control than I was when I wrote this. Though, obviously, I still have a long way to go.
Shared on 9/15/2016 (edited for punctuation)
Forgive me for not sending out something sooner, it’s been a challenging number of months. There have been a TON of appointments, and unfortunately I haven’t progressed as quickly as we hoped (story of my life). lol I’m a lot better in some ways but about the same in others. I hope that’s vague enough for you… haha
I will tell you that one of the hardest things is now that my brain can tolerate more stimulus and mental exercises–like reading, writing, internet, TV, movies, etc…–it’s become extremely hard to cut myself off. There’s a certain amount of those things that’s therapeutic and a certain amount that’s counterproductive. I’ve been flirting with the counterproductive side for a while. There are a handful of reasons for this behavior. One of the big ones is that it’s exponentially more pleasurable to be entertained than to entertain myself in my head, duhh. hah I’m working with a therapist on strategies and mechanisms to control this behavior.
For a while I chalked it up to self control/discipline issues (which is part of it), but I have found much of it boils down to courage. It takes an unbelievable amount of courage to choose to lay in bed, stuck in my head, than to overindulge in the mind numbing instant gratification of things like the internet, and watching TV, movies, videos, podcasts, etc… (which halts my progress). I feel like as millennials we all struggle with that to some degree. It’s just in my case–with the physical and mental limitations–I don’t have many alternatives, and overindulging in these things has a much more literal and lasting effect on my health.
I am confident that I’m getting a handle on these temptations. I have to rehab/retrain my brain methodically and systematically so I can get back to normal as quickly as possible. Not that I was normal in the first place, but you get the point. 🙂
So the finish line of health is still far from sight. And as I run towards it I know there will be more challenges to overcome and hurdles to jump and buttons to pass, wait sorry, I’m getting a little off track… or on track? I’m just still super pumped from the Summer Olympics! I don’t know if you heard but strings were pulled and I was offered the opportunity to compete in track & field on the Jamaican national team!
When I got the news I immediately accepted but dreaded talking to the coach. Especially about my low tolerance (to physical activity) and how quickly I get burnt out. But he just said, “don’t worry mon’ some THC is all ya need, we’ll toak’ about it later monn'”. I thought he meant TLC because of his heavy accent–boy was I wrong! Next I spoke with some of the team telling them to keep their expectations low, but I was re-leaved to hear they just expected me to get high (on the pole vault). Plus they all seemed really confident that together weed light it up on race day and blow the competition away!
So before the Olympics I moved to Colorado to train (for the high-altitude haha). Unfortunately when I did go down to Rio, I rolled a joint during warm ups (right ankle) and didn’t end up competing. That’s probably why you didn’t see me on TV. But if I learned anything from the time I spent in Olympic Village with the Jamaican team, it’s that where there’s smoke there isn’t always fire and that blunt trauma could be the start of a great night! Lol
Anyways back to reality my old friend (turned foe haha). I came to accept well over a year ago that due mainly to my own inability to communicate it’s only natural that I grow apart from my family and friends. Truly I’ve wanted to be more in touch, open, and transparent about my week-to-week struggles and triumphs, but I simply can’t. Hopefully in the near future! Maybe a blog or something. I can promise that if there comes a time when I could use your help, I won’t be afraid to reach out because I know you’ll always be there for me! So thank you. Though in general I’ve been trying to reach out more so don’t be surprised if you get a call.
Right now I’m working on a more detailed message to send out to relatives, friends, and whoever about my battle with Lyme disease, my current condition, and treatment plans going forward. Basically it will be more informative with a lot less shenanigans. Haha Well without further adieu, here’s the joke and quote. By the way I have received some raunchy and political jokes from a couple of ya so I feel like the door is open to this one. Plus I think it’s relevant considering Bill Clinton could be living back in the White House as our first First Gentleman.
What was Bill Clinton’s favorite instrument to play while working in the Oval Office?
“Nothing in this World that’s worth having comes easy” -Dr. Kelso “Scrubs”